Confession

“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” Proverbs 28:13 

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16 

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 

I have a confession to make.  It’s a sin that has been consuming my life that I didn’t even know was there.  But God, in his mercy, revealed it to me so that I might seek forgiveness, change my thought pattern and become more like him.

There are days I really struggle with being a mother.  My children irritate me, then my emotions begin consuming me and I lose control.  I don’t hurt my kids physically but I’m sure that are times I have hurt them emotionally.  I start yelling and blaming and it’s a terrible place to be.  But that’s not the sin.  The sin in this: in those moments I often utter these words “I don’t even want to be a mom.  God, I really think you screwed up when you gave me children.  What were you thinking?  I can’t handle these children and these emotions.”  And that thought process is the sin.

And here’s why.

God has a perfect plan for me.  He does not make mistakes.  And so when I challenge him, wondering why he placed me in this role that I feel completely inadequate for, I am saying “God, I just don’t trust your plan.”  Wow!  The moment God revealed that truth to me was so humbling.  I have been doubting the perfect plan of God.

The truth is this. God places us in difficult situations, not for our harm but for our good.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Romans 5:3-5 (NLT)

God places us in situations that challenge us so we will learn to depend on him.  If being a mother was easy there would be no need to fall on my knees in prayer and seek his wisdom and strength.  I would go through each day self-sufficient, never stopping to seek his face.  The day we stop seeking his face is the beginning of a dangerous downward spiral.  When we don’t seek him, we don’t know him.  When we don’t know him, he doesn’t know us.  We drift farther and farther apart until one day I stand before him face to face and he says “depart from me, I never knew you.”

So that trial you are facing, the one that feels utterly impossible.  Praise God for it!  He is using it to draw you into his sweet embrace.  God does not cause pain, he allows it, because he knows without it we will become self-sufficient and drift away from our Creator.  He loves us so very much and he longs to spent eternity with us, so he uses our trials to keep us in check.  We struggle and we hurt so we run to him, which is precisely where he wants us to be.

So the next time I’m faced with the overwhelming feeling that I was never meant to be a mother I’m going to thank him for the trials that are molding me more into his image.  Because one day I’m going to stand before him and I want him to know me.  Spending eternity with him will be worth every trial that I face.

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