I need to share my heart today and yet the words are not quick to form. I’m sitting here with my fingers on the keyboard and my mind running a million miles an hour, but the connection between the two is struggling to work; so bear with me as you read this.
I started this blog back in July. It was born from a desire to share the lessons God was teaching me. At that point in time I was beginning a journey that has lead to some of the most intimate times with Jesus I have ever experienced. I had been praying to have more desire for God’s Word and God responded in a mighty way! I began reading scripture with an understanding that I had never experienced in my thirty some years as a follower of Christ. It was (and is) amazing and I couldn’t keep it to myself!
Rarely did I wake up in the morning with a plan to sit and write; it simply flowed out of the experiences I was having with Christ as I sat in the recliner with only Jesus and my cup of coffee! The growth I experienced during those hours was explosive. Jesus was truly becoming my best friend; yet what I didn’t realize is that Satan was also becoming my worst enemy.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always known he is the enemy, but I’ve never understood how much he hates all things holy.
You see, while I was growing in Christ, my relationship with my family was falling apart; and I didn’t even know it. That’s how manipulative and deceptive Satan can be. The problem with the enemy is that he doesn’t want to admit defeat, so he does everything within his power to stop the victory that he knows Jesus has already won.
A few weeks ago we hosted Thanksgiving dinner/Wyatt’s birthday party. This should have been a day of celebration and joy, but instead it became a day of exploding emotions. Jay and I had a big blow up, which I’m ashamed to admit, ended with me literally stomping out of the house in anger and driving off in a rage. It was not my proudest moment as a wife! After I had chilled out, I came back to finish party prep, but did little in the way of apologizing or even acknowledging the hubs existence. We put on our happy faces and made it through dinner and the party.
That night we started a conversation that ended with lots of tears (mine) and frustration (both of us!). It was a good talk but nothing was resolved. I felt attacked and he felt helpless.
Monday we had a decent day. Although still irritated and feeling like all the burden of our struggles was being placed on my shoulders, I did my best to live in a place of surrender, trusting that God was working in my heart even if I didn’t feel it. That night we again sat and talked about the state of our marriage. We both agreed changes were needed and although I still felt all the blame and responsibility was being thrown in my lap, I allowed his words to break though my stubborn heart and hear what he was really saying.
What he said was this “I don’t know what has happened but the last six months you have taken offense to everything. You have battled with our son over ridiculous things. You have attacked me with your words and left me feeling less than adequate to be your husband.”
Ouch!
But rather than defend myself or return an attack, I simply let the words sink in and asked God to show me what truth there was to them.
And the truth was this: Six months ago, I started the most intimate journey with Jesus I have ever had.
Oh the irony of it all! While I was becoming more like Jesus and sharing him with the digital world, Satan was using every little offense to make sure that I wasn’t sharing that same journey with my family. This makes my heart break.
So today it stops. Satan is a liar and a thief and he has been stealing things from under my nose. Today I win my marriage and my family back. I don’t know exactly what that will look like, but I know it will have to begin with prayer. I know it will require diligence and effort on my part. I also know that knowledge is power and now that I am aware of the attack, I can utilize the power of the cross to stop it.
So pray with me. Not just for my marriage but for yours as well. Pray for the marriages that are thriving and those that are falling apart. Pray for those who have been married 50 years and those who are about to say “I do”. God designed marriage to be a reflection of his love for the church (his people) and Satan will stop at nothing to destroy this most intimate relationship that God has intended for our good and his glory. We are in a battle and we must continue the fight until the victory has been won!
“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Timothy 6:12
Photo credit: Natalie Shipman
NRS Photography
Fireflies in the Night 